Just to let you know that i’m delaying the launch/release of my book, “What Would Lola Do?”.

Although the grammar of the book is there – and a personal friend has looked at my book and thought it was brilliant – I’m just not sure whether this is the right time to bring the book out.  Sure, I only wrote the book last November (and finished it a week before Christmas) but things change.  I’m going to sit on my book for a wee while and then go back to it and make content amendments etc.

I am very proud of myself that I’ve written a 55k word book… but I’m not sure whether it’ll be published at all – all of the legalities of getting a book out confuses me and sometimes books aren’t meant to be published at all…

I just hope that one particular person will get a glance at my book!  :)

For the moment, I’m proud of my achievements.  Who knows what the future will bring…?!

Because I had an argument with my Mother today.

Several arguments over the week, actually.

And, to be honest, I hate most aspects of my life, apart from music.

You see, I’ve always, ALWAYS wanted to be a DJ or a celebrity.  My Mum has pushed me to go in the opposite direction, saying things such as “They won’t get you because of your Asperger’s” and “This fame thing is just a phase, why don’t you do Admin instead?” – well, I’ve tried; and am now stuck in a job that I’ve been in for 5 years’ now that I don’t enjoy. Whatsoever.  Yes, Mammy Burke may have got me the job and yes I do work with Mammy Burke…. which really, really SUCKS!!!!

I do get to listen to the radio (Forth One or Spin FYI) but that’s where the fun ends and the boredom begins.  Firstly, I happen to work in an office where I’m predominately on my own.  No human interaction, apart from tweeting DJs or when the boss comes in (which really gets on my nerves).  Secondly, I know my job inside out as I do the same things day in, day out and I don’t really enjoy it.  Thirdly, I get myself worked up about this once a week now and I would love to move jobs (as I’ve been there for 5 years’ now) but THERE ARE NO JOBS AROUND and, as you all know, I want to move away from Loserville to either Edinburgh or Dublin.

Don’t get me wrong, I have tried – for example there are no radio stations in Loserville plus our local hospital radio has closed down; plus I tried (and failed) to move to Dublin 3 years’ ago but each time I’ve tried, I’ve been ‘kicked in the teeth’.  And yet, I still want to work in Radio, which has been a childhood dream of mine (if anyone can give me any tips on getting on – ideally – Radio Forth – then let me know!!)

Oh dear, is the fear stopping me again?

I know that I want to move on – and trust me I do – but I need the money.   I’m stuck in an neverending rut that I can’t get out of! :(

I’m off to get a few bevvies in me!

xo

This week on my vlog (I really should be naming it something else now ha!), I’m talking about why music is my husband and what music I liked when I was a kid, when I was at high school and what’s my current faves at the moment (and yes, #ThatsFife is mentioned!).  This installment is the last in the current series; I hope to bring it back if I get enough interest! :)

I would do a radio show once a week – I did it numerous times before – but only stopped because only one man and his dog were listening.  And I don’t want to give myself false promises again *le sigh*.

In other news, a very close friend of mine has read and have given a rave review of my book!  :)  Which means I have to work out my priorities….. work on book 2 (which has yet to materialise) or music… or can I have both…?!?!

Let me know what you think of my vlog.  If you want to subscribe you can do so here.

Juliette xo

Great if you’re loved-up.

Not so great if you’re single.

And absolutely terrible when you’re an eternal singleton like me.  At the age of, let just say on the cusp of entering my thirties, whose also yet to be kissed.  #QuelHorreur! #NeverBeenKissed

Naturally, I’ve been drinking more over the past few days.  More so than usual, getting drunk every night since Friday, crying myself to sleep because I’m still single and never received a valentine’s card from a secret admirer; pretty sure that I’ll never be in the arms of my crushes.  EVER.  (Even if I’ll always hold a glimmer of hope and thus will never kiss any other guy’s lips)….

I think every single frigging day why the hell am I still single.  Sure, I will only date over 40 men from Edinburgh and because of my Asperger’s I know exactly what I want – I’m quite rigid in that retrospect and won’t bend or break my rules.  Perhaps I should focus on moving to Edinburgh?  Sure, that’s a tough move seeing as the job market is all belly-up at the moment plus I would love to move solely for my dream job in writing or, like my alter ego Lola, in the media!  But, I will always, ALWAYS fall for my crushes.  Not a day goes by without me thinking about them. 

Plus, my Mum’s cousin is over 40 and never had a boyfriend!  Perhaps we’re all a family of Susan Boyle’s!  I posted on my private blog that I hate valentine’s day – and it seems like most of you too.  So why do we still practice this stupid game when love should be celebrated every day of the year?

Finally, I’d like to finish this post with that poem I wrote, just incase you haven’t seen that vlog yet….

This was the moment I broke down and cried,
Never receiving a valentine’s card, that is no lie.
With my Asperger’s I know what I like,
Men from Edinburgh over the age of 40 with brown hair and eyes.
I have always got on {better} with older people you see,
However online dating is so not me!

Some nights I lie awake and cry,
“Why am I still single?”, I always sigh.
I have been lusting over my crushes for the best part of my life…
…And, even if it breaks my heart, I know that I will never be their wife.

I am who I am and I can’t change me,
And I really hope my crushes hears my plea:
I will still fancy them until the bitter end,
but all I want is for us to be friends….

However, this question still chills me to the bone,
Why am I always alone?

(c)Copyright 2012 Juliette Burke.  All rights Reserved.  Reproduction Prohibited.

xo

Whilst I was no superfan of Houston, I am however in the age group whom have grown up with her music. Here, in descending order, are my five favourite Whitney songs and what they mean to me…

5. It’s Not Right, But It’s OK
This song takes me back to my youth, when I left school due to a nervous breakdown. This song was in the charts at the time (and thus was very excited whenever the video was on MTV) and the lyric “I’m Gonna Make It Anyway” still means as much to me now as it did then.

4. Saving All My Love For You
This song should really be for my crushes. As you know, I’ve never had a boyfriend – only crushes and still lust for them now like I did in the 90s…

3. How Will I Know?
Aaah. An upbeat song. If unsure, try it out! That’s what I try to do, even if I do limit myself because of my Asperger’s.

2. I Will Always Love You.
This song would of been number 1, except that I’ve never had a romantic liaison before; plus the ending goes on… and on… and on. But, this song does prove that I’ll always have love for my crushes!!

1. I Wanna Dance With Somebody.
Aah, my fave Whitney track. This song gets me on the dance floor… Except that 99.9999999999% of the time I’m dancing on my own. As the line goes, even if it’ll never happen in a million years between me and (one of) my crushes: I Wanna Dance With Somebody… With Somebody Who Loves Me.

Were you a Whitney fan? What’s your favourite Whitney song and why?

Sometimes, I get totally happy and high from the simple things in life.  A lot of the time, I get happy and ecstatic from the most complicated things.  However since Wednesday, I’ve been totally high.  Why?! Well, here’s what makes me tick!

1. Mentions from DJs. 
Oh yes.  Even at 6.30 in the morning.  I love getting my name mentioned on the radio.  I also love getting tweets from DJs too! :)  Especially from a certain DJ who’s now on hollybobs until next Monday.  I shall miss him greatly! #SadFace

2. Robin Galloway’s Prank Calls. #AsdaIsCheaper
If you haven’t heard of Robin Galloway, then where the hell have you been?!  He is totally hilarious.  I love listening to his prank calls on his Sunday Morning show which can be heard throughout Scotland on the radio or throughout the UK online or on your iPhone… He’s also on Clyde 1 daily, too!  Oh and this prank call is the greatest; and this one is brilliant too!

3. David Guetta feat SIA – Titanium
OMG.  I’m seriously addicted to this song.  Can’t stop playing this song!  It got so bad that I broke the office chair whilst this song was on yesterday.  Whoops!

4. Nellie the Elephant.
Not that Nellie the Elephant, the Toy Dolls version.

5. That’s Fife.
Well, it is Friday!!!  I don’t think I’ll ever tire of this song!!!

6. Speaking of comedy…
I am loving the Edinburgh Comedy Collective podcast at the moment; along with Late & Live Guide to Comedy and Kevin Bridges.  Chad Hogan:  So Funny!!!!

Happy Friday!  What’s making you happy at the moment?

Ach well, here’s my vlog for this week! :D And yes, I wrote the poem myself, so please don’t rip it off as your own!
Apologies for no audio for the last minute and a half of the vlog – every track i tried I got an error with Youtube!!! :/ Annoying.  IT’S ONLY BACKING MUSIC!!! :|

let me know what you think of it…. :)

Why?  You all ask.

Because of the dreaded Valentine’s cards that swamp every single store at the moment.

Is it me, or should love be celebrated every single day of the year, and not on the 14th February like Hallmark indicates?!  Sure, I’d much rather buy my love interest – if I ever get one – gifts throughout the year, not just on 14th Feb/my Birthday/Christmas – and I’d much rather him to do the same.  And, even though the above card is ridiculously funny, it’s not the price that counts (so don’t bother with the most expensive card/gift) – it’s the thought!! :)

Whenever I see any Valentines card – or anything relating to Valentines – I just want to puke.

If I was prime minister, I would ban Valentine’s day.  I don’t find it appealing or fun.  It’s just another cash-cow invention; even if I’ve never received a Valentine’s card or a single red rose (or flowers!!).

I’ll be moaning more about being single/valentine’s day tomorrow, so I won’t bore you now.   Oh and you won’t need your tissues for the vlog after all, I wrote a wee poem on my feelings! :)

What do you think of Valentine’s day?  Is it the best day ever invented or just another Hallmark holiday?

p.s. here’s a song for all the single ladies out there, plus one of my fave songs in the charts at the mo, you’ll be hearing the latter in my vlog tomorrow!

And you’ll probably be wondering why I chose to showcase my condition – or Asperger’s – in such a public way.   And the reason is sort of simple – I simply didn’t have anyone there when growing up.

Sure, I had my parents and my classroom assistants; but apart from that I refused help.  I just wanted to be normal.

I wanted to have friends.  I wanted to have my older Scottish boyfriend.  I wanted to be just like everyone else.

Funnily enough, I didn’t think that I would still be yearning for those things now that I’m close to turning 30!

please don't steal, img by me.

At times, all I want to do is curl up into a ball and cry, wondering why I’m still single/have no friends/live down south still when everyone knows that I want to move to Edinburgh.  On a Friday night, I regularly have a Bridget Jones’s moment – however I sing along to “Alone” by Heart than “All By Myself”.  I get drunk and I normally cry myself to sleep, trying to get myself out of this everlasting rut that I always seem to possess – Sill yearning for my (now) mid-40s Scotsman from Edinburgh (well, ya gotta face it, I just love that brogue!).  Still craving friends (even if they’re on the radio).  Still chasing for my dream job as a TV presenter or DJ (then I can count my viewers/listeners as ‘friends’).

At school, I remember the classroom assistants desperately trying to make my classmates join groups with me at lunchtime so I had a chance to mingle.  But, as soon as the end-of-day bell went, all of my classmates used to go off in their usual groups, leaving me to walk home alone. Lost in my thoughts.  With my Cassette player for company.

It’s still now that I consider music to be my best friend, because since I got into Kylie at the tender age of 2, that was simply the only real friend I had.

And that is what sucks with having Asperger’s.   You’re always alone, with only your thoughts – and music – to occupy you (although I know that some Aspies don’t really like noise… I just happen to love music!!)

My day consists of listening to the radio and, apart from colleagues whom I don’t really get on with, interacting with DJs.  And yes, if you must know, they are Scottish.  My day just doesn’t feel complete unless my name gets mentioned on the radio.  That familiar voice saying my name – makes me feel loved.  Simply because I currently don’t have the simple human interaction to make me feel loved.  I know that I don’t know that many people, and that I’ve just joined Twitter… but I just hate having not that many followers, and bizarrely that makes me a bit upset!

99% of the time, I hate my current state of mind.

Unless I get a miracle.  I need a blinking miracle.

Just to warn you, you may need to have some tissues handy when watching Thursday’s Vlog – I actually break down and cry! :(  You have been warned…

Just a very quick blog to let you all know that my debut novel, What Would Lola Do? will be out on the 22nd March 2012! (or should be, it’s the tentative date!!!)

The book will most likely be available on the Kindle format (if you have an iPad/iPhone you can easily download the kindle app for FREE!) and will be priced at £4.99!

The good news is that, after the fees, 20p from each download will go towards Forth One’s Cash for Kids, helping children throughout Edinburgh, the Lothians and Fife.  Just because a) Forth One’s my fave radio station in the world (and the best DJ in the universe is on that station!) and b) I’m generally a very nice person! :)

I shall be posting more info on my book as & when I have it!  You should be able to pre-order the book the first week of March! :)

Right, seeing as it’s Friday, I’ll now pour myself a glass of prosseco and put That’s Fife on (and yes, it will probably be available for Download!  I shall be making you download the song, obviously….)

Have a great weekend!